Six Things I Hate about You

A warning label for small churches.

Recently Barb and I picnicked at a park on the edge of a beautiful lake. A sign near the water’s edge warned us not to enter the water because, this being Florida, “harmful bacteria and amoeba may be present.”

I’m not particularly tempted to swim in Florida lakes to begin with, but that’s largely because of the more visible dangers, such as alligators. And so I appreciate the integrity, whether forced or voluntary, of the park service to alert me to these more invisible threats.

It’s in that spirit, then, that I have created the following voluntary “warning label” for small churches. No doubt a broader one could be issued for the church in general, but those hazards are better known, more visible. My concern is for the hidden and often invisible dangers that particularly circulate around the smaller church. Those who walk through our doors should do so with their eyes wide open.

To that end, therefore, I offer the following. Feel free to use it, adapt it, or ignore it, as needed.

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WARNING!

We welcome you to our church.
You should be aware, however,
that attendance at and involvement in a smaller church
is associated with certain specific hazards.

Specifically . . .

1. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HIDE

You will find it a challenge to remain comfortably anonymous. When you visit you will stand out as someone new. If you don’t leave quickly, people are likely to approach you and talk to you. If you settle into the church and miss a Sunday, you might be pestered with texts or phone calls from those who missed you. In time, should a medical or family crisis occur in your life, it will be hard to conceal it. You will be known.

2. YOU WILL SEE THE PASTOR

The pastor will not be someone you can confine to the pulpit. He (or she as the case may be) may recognize and greet you at the grocery store unaware that he has forgotten to comb his hair. He may come see you in the hospital when you have no makeup on. He’ll greet you at a little-league game where he’ll then embarrass you by being a dad and shouting stupid stuff. He and his awful sense of humor will show up in your life more than you’ve experienced in the past. He may laugh too loud, talk too much, or listen too carefully. You might end up revealing more about yourself than you intended.

3. YOU WILL EXPERIENCE SOCIAL AND ORGANIZATIONAL FRUSTRATION

Successful professionals, persons with reputations in the business community, and those with important civic roles are attracted to larger, more obviously influential churches. Consequently, the leadership of the small church will be populated by people of ordinary gifts who may lack skills in organizational or financial management. They may know how to pray, and their lives may be exemplary, but they may not manage the church in the way you believe it should be managed, and they will not be the kind of people whose names will be profitably dropped in broader social contexts.

4. YOU WILL BE ASKED TO DO STUFF

Small churches cannot pay professionals to do much of the work, and so it will fall upon you. You may be needed to mow lawns and clean baseboards. There are soundboards to be staffed and meals to be prepared. Though you’re a busy and private person, you might be asked to spend time with people you don’t know caring for babies in the nursery or trimming bushes on a Saturday morning. Further, if you then become friends with these people, which is likely, they may not be the right sort of people. [See number 3 above.]

5. YOUR CHILDREN WILL TALK TO ADULTS

Since there aren’t as many kids the same age as your own, your children may need to have conversations with men and women much older, and they may be encouraged to show concern for children much younger. It will be harder for them to quickly disappear into a social environment built to insulate them. They will come to be known by those who are not their peers and cared for by people not hired to care for them. Their models and mentors will be the Christian adults around them living faithful, if somewhat messy, lives.

6. YOU WILL BEGIN TO CARE

As you get more deeply involved, you’ll begin to care about the church, and with caring come stress and weakness. A small church always feels as if it is just a step or two away from oblivion. The budget will be tight; the ministries will operate on a shoestring. You will be moved therefore to give more, and you will be challenged to depend more upon the work of the Holy Spirit to keep it all together. You will sacrifice your own resources and your own self-dependence. It will make you feel weak.

We are glad to have you.
However, we encourage you to weigh these potential dangers
as you assess your possible involvement in our church.
Thank you.