Of Groupies and Mentees

Originally posted 12/13/2021

Recently,^⁠ I reflected on what I called “Groupie Spirit.” This seemingly mindless tendency for many Christians to link their passions, their concerns, their outrage even, to a few prominent Christian leaders is something I sense in others and fear for myself.

In response to those reflections one reader, an Enneagram 6 she told me, though I don’t know the difference between Enneagram 6 and Apollo 11, challenged me to make my distinctions a bit clearer. In short, her question was this:

“What is the line between trusting experts and being groupies? Is it acceptable to look to those we trust for guidance and answers without falling into groupie status?”

This is such a great question. Certainly it is acceptable and possible to do so, but the matter of “trust” is the key thought here. The kind of confidence we place in others has to be deeper than simply that they have an opinion and reasons to support it. It’s character we want to reflect, not just positions. The way problems are approached and conclusions reached are matters of character. Those we deem to be the experts to whom we often defer will leave an imprint of character upon us. It’s a concern for this imprint of the whole person upon us that separates the groupie from the mentee.^⁠¹ In seeking expertise we seek mentors.

There is a level of relational proximity in a mentor-mentee relationship that shapes the mentee. The mentee learns from the mentor not just a position to assume on a question but also and more importantly how such questions are to be approached. Relational proximity allows the mentee to learn enough about the mentor to be able to measure and appreciate the consistency between what the mentor says and who the mentor is. Trust and respect grow alongside of insight.

I have been a groupie, and it has left me empty. To have mentors enriches.

Relational proximity does not necessarily mean physical proximity. Ordinarily, yes, a mentor-mentee relationship is local and allows for genuine interaction. But we can learn from those distant without becoming groupies. Relational proximity depends on a willingness to question, and a determination to assess, others’ lives and not just their pronouncements.

James Montgomery Boice was an influential pastor and evangelical leader of the last century. Though his Harvard pedigree and his distinguished pastorate wildly diverged from my own less exalted circumstances, I learned from him. Though he lived in Philadelphia and I in Florida, we had occasional conversations. He spoke in my church, and I witnessed him in denominational meetings slogging through the dull parts with the rest of us. I felt I knew something about him, not just about the opinions he held. I didn’t look to him particularly for his opinions, but I respected him as being thoughtful, biblical, and pastoral. I felt I could trust what he would say. More importantly, I wanted to be like him.

So, too, I trusted John Stott as a mentor of sorts, though he and I never met^⁠.² Stott was an influential Christian leader, the pastor of an Anglican church in London, and a prolific author. My connection with him was not personal but came through his books. I resonated with his scholarly care and pastoral sensitivity. His reputation as a man of Christian integrity and faithfulness was unchallenged. I don’t think I ever assumed a position because he held it, but though separated by a great physical distance, he shaped me. I wanted to be like him, too.

Relational proximity in the case of these two men rested not on physical presence, but on the fact that I knew, and respected, more about them than simply what their positions were on particular controversial matters.^⁠³ Mentees adopt more from others than their views.

Groupies will become like those with whom they mentally spend time as well, and that is not always a good thing. Mentees will be thoughtful about this and will seek out mentors whose character is the most like Christ, whose heart is the most gentle, and whose thoughts are the most generous. When expertise is needed find someone who has that expertise, but cautiously. It’s better to go into the future without the counsel of the so-called expert than to attach ourselves to experts who in the end misshape our hearts. Those with whom we pastors spend time, whether in person, or through some type of media, will in turn shape our congregations. That is our ultimate concern.

My questioner will be fine, though. She’s really not groupie material. Maybe that’s because of her Enneagram number or because of her astrological sign. More likely it’s because the God who began a good work in her is continuing to make her Christlike.

She is, in fact, a worthy mentor for others.⁴

1. This is indeed a word meaning, not surprisingly, “a person who is advised, trained, or counseled by a mentor.”

2. I once was in the same room with him, but so were twenty thousand others at the Urbana Missionary Convention in 1978. I don’t think he noticed me.

3. Those who attract groupies thrive on gaining and keeping followers. Mentors, distant ones included, actually thrive on losing them. In the wonderful streaming television series Ted Lasso, the generous and insightful Leslie Higgins observes that “A good mentor hopes you move on. A great mentor knows you will.”

4. You can listen to this post here or here.